Yesterday Ayiana and I left early to pick up Liam, well to watch him off in the distance in his classroom. I was still just so uncertain why he disliked school so much. I watched quietly as he had to do a few transitions... he simply doesn't understand them, a preschool class moves along pretty fast and Liam never has. His teacher had taken him from the washroom today instead of me going all the way in to the cafeteria and seating him, she said that was better. I could tell she was still wondering my thoughts as I quietly watched my son, and after a few brief bits of conversation I finally said "I'm just trying to figure out how to best help my son, I'm not blaming you guys"... and that seemed to seriously break down some walls. It was abundantly clear to me today that he is confused, confused when buckets of toys are quickly moved, confused why he has to get up for a diaper change in the middle of songs, and is stemming (repetitive behavior used to try and regulate emotion) with his head (for him this looks like shaking "No" but on crack). He's trying his best to understand and regulate his emotions, his teacher is trying, I'm trying... that's all we can keep doing. His teacher brought up that she thought of something the other day and thinks it could help. A social story, where she will take pictures around the school, friends in his class, teachers, and then make them into a book.... I think that might help too. She said she would have that ready for him soon, well probably right after Easter break, in the mean time I will try to find social stories online too. She also shared that her daughter is 29, and had lots of medical needs and therapies in the first few years too, that she also has special needs...so she really does understand. I don't know why that helped ME, but it did, I know that she sees the adult side of things too, something I obviously don't have experience with but she "gets" the journey on another level that until I get there I won't. Since, ultimately I want Liam to be the best adult he can be and I know as a teacher she's trying, heck she hit everything I had been worried about without me bringing it up even (cafeteria noise, over-stimulation etc) I feel more confident now leaving him, and I just pray that things get better for him. The tears streaming down my face right now show that too....its so very hard to sit and watch your child not know how to cope with something so innate in most children. Ultimately, he does have to learn how to cope in this setting, like it or not, it will be part of his life for a LONG time and if there is any time to get understanding situated its now not later. I also have to say his teachers where also very gracious about not throwing me under the bus for the rash on his bottom, they both said (his teacher team teaches with the SDC Kinder teacher) that we can only do so much and they both remember those days, sigh... okay so they aren't looking at me like "bad mommy" either. Ayiana has also been officially told she can be the snack helper everyday at 2, so technically we will be there for 2 hours, just that the last 30 minutes sister and I will also be there. I can't tell you how excited Ayiana is to be the helper, she also enjoyed a conversation with one of Liam's classmates today, as they sat and ate snack next to each other then she helped push her on the swing, she was also loved on with pats on the back from one of the aides one, who was retired but subbing that day, she patted Ayiana's back and just made her feel really included... it was very sweet to watch because of course she loved feeling included too, I'm so glad that the teachers and aids are able to see this and are okay with that as well. Off for a bite of breakfast, tomorrow is St. Patty's day and we're beginning our festivities today and I can't wait to share them tomorrow!